A short while later, Rah-Veen and I waited in my bedroom- me wearing a circle into the floor like an expectant dad, and him just well . . . being a broody Demon lord, as we watched over Kai-Yun.
As I found out after the fact, Rah-Veen had bitten me as a way of a Demon healing aid. Summoners, he told me- when I was done screaming and thrashing- were different from other Touched humans in that our systems could use Demon blood to heal our injuries. Just prior to sinking his teeth into the skin and tissue around my spine in the small of my back, he'd punctured his tongue, using the wound he'd opened in my flesh to administer his blood directly to the most damaged part of my body.
Of course, this information did little to ease the agony in hindsight. Feeling your shattered spine knit itself back together- nerves first, so yay- like an intricate jigsaw puzzle? Not even a little bit cool. I actually found myself glad Bubble Demon's barrier hadn't faded yet. At least for me, I don't know about you, intense pain seems just that much worse when I have to hold in my pitiful wailing.
Once I'd stopped this rather annoying kvetching, Rah-Veen- who'd quietly and patiently left me to my misery- gently lifted Kai-Yun and, with an idea from me of the destination, helped me get him home, via one o' them nifty portal-thingies. I still didn't know what the Demon Lord's power was, exactly, but as we took our leave, the remains of their fallen, displaced brethren burst into that same, glittering dust as the one who'd tried to kill me.
Demons don't sleep much, but Kai-Yun had lost consciousness when his body went into a sort of Demon healing overdrive. From what the Erus was telling me, in just a few hours Kai-Yun would awaken without a single scratch on him.
After a solid ten minutes of his eyes following my restless pacing, Rah-Veen stood abruptly, clamping those large hands gently over my shoulders. Next thing I knew, I'd been turned around and pushed into a sitting position on the bed. Even though his mind was a million miles away, being physically close to my Demon still forced that measure of calm into me that- though not nearly a complete or all consuming effect- took the edge off of my anxiety. Talk about an emotional morphine-drip. Rah-Veen's way of slapping me to stop my hysterics . . . just without the slap and only the possibility of hysterics.
I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly before lifting my gaze to Rah-Veen's. "Thank you."
He shrugged, in that slightly odd, almost human manner he affected sometimes. "Of course," he replied with an amused smirk.
A long moment of comfortable silence passed then. But apparently comfort just wasn't what I wanted at the moment- on some deep, dark level of my subconscious that I just didn't fully comprehend- because the words, "Was he- Yoru-Ssori, I mean- being honest with me?" fell right out of my mouth.
Rah-Veen took a step and spun neatly to seat himself not far from me. "What was it he said to you?"
"He told me about my first incarnation. That Kai-Yun had been ordered to . . ." I let out a short, shuddering breath as the memory slammed into me again, so vivid for a moment that it made me want to pull away from Kai-Yun. "To . . . 'harm' me," I finished quietly, giving an eloquent look as I'd spoken, hoping that would get my point across because I couldn't bring myself to say the actual word and, if it was the truth, then I shouldn't need to get more descriptive than that.
The Demon Lord nodded, a grave expression coloring his features. "Caitlyn . . . Yes, he was being honest with you. It was such a horrific thing to us, that any Accersoro would commit their Demon to an act so very deplorable." He placed one hand over both of mine, stilling me a bit- it was only then that I realized I was trembling a little as I fought to lock the memory away in a corner of my mind again.
"In fact," he went on in a quiet, placating tone, "it was Kai-Yun that approached us; he that told us what had transpired." He lowered his head toward me, holding my gaze with his. "It is a day I will never forget as long as I exist. He was so very anguished for what he had been forced to do. Kai-Yun begged that he be given some form of penance. Such a thing, of course, was unheard of because we understood that he was incapable of disobeying the order he had been given. But that did not matter to him."
It did sound like Kai-Yun to feel at fault for something he'd had no choice in, especially given what that something had been. I knew then that Joseph hadn't handed down that order just to hurt me- Caitlyn, I scolded myself, not me, no matter how current the memories might feel- but also to wound his Demon on a level that might never be healed.
This, of course, was one of those brick-to-the-side-of-the-head realizations. In an instant, I was blinking back tears and shuffling myself back on the bed a bit so that I was leaning just a little against Kai-Yun's leg. I'm not sure how, but this whole mess made me feel closer to him. "What about Joseph?" I asked in a small, hollow voice, "Please, please, tell me he was punished."
"Oh, yes," Rah-Veen said with an exaggerated nod, tightening his grip on my hands just a little, "I performed the Rite of Deadening on him."
I blinked and pulled one hand from his grasp to wipe at my eyes. "What, that's it?"
He shook his head and gave a small, sad chuckle. "You do not understand. When that Rite is performed on one whose third eye is fully opened, it is the same as . . . how do you humans put it? Ah, yes, getting a lobotomy. It also denies the recipient the ability to be reborn."
"So . . ." I squeaked out, getting my emotions under control and wanting to be certain I did, in fact, understand what I was hearing, "he spent the rest of his days as a vegetable and when he died, he really died?"
"Precisely."
It might not have been the look at me, I'm a good person response, but that knowledge did make me feel a whole lot better. "And so . . . Kai-Yun's penance," my third eye was twitching at me again, but I couldn't get a clear idea of what it was telling me, "does it have to do with why the Court um . . . what did he say . . . 'realigned my soul'?"
Another nod. "That, I am afraid, was my decision. I made you into a Summoner and forged your Bond to Kai-Yun."
I felt some frantic little pulse from the center of my forehead as I tried to recall some further detail from Caitlyn's life- something beyond that painful violation, any snippet of my/her first days as Kai-Yun's Summoner- but I couldn't. "What became of Caitlyn?"
Rah-Veen lowered his head then, dropping his gaze to his hand on mine. "She understood what had happened. She knew that it was not Kai-Yun's fault for what he had done, but she told me she did not think she was capable of forgiving him in her current existence. Every time he tried to touch her, she shrieked, she said. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him as he was that night, heard his apologies in her ear. I begged her to give the situation time so that she might be able to cope with it; I never expected her to fully heal, but to at least not be consumed by it." He smiled sadly, but still wouldn't meet my eyes. "It would seem my plea fell upon deaf ears, for it was not shortly after the night we had spoken that she took her own life.
“I knew it was her hope that in her next incarnation- one named Natalya, for the sake of your own, personal knowledge- she would again come to love Kai-Yun, and that when she remembered what had happened, she would be able to forgive him. But . . . Caitlyn's memories were too strong, and though she did not chose the same fate as that of her previous existence, Natalya could not find it in her to forgive him, either."
I felt so, just . . . bad for Kai-Yun when I heard this. I shook my head and turned slightly to look at my Demon. I didn't get many chances to see Kai-Yun sleeping. The marks on his face had healed already and he looked damned peaceful. I reached over, trailing my fingertips delicately along the line of his jaw. How could they not have forgiven him? They knew- they knew- it hadn't been his fault. They understood, just as I did, that a Demon couldn't- was not physically capable- of disobeying his Summoner's command. And yet . . . somehow I knew that in all my previous existences, no matter how much the women I'd once been loved Kai-Yun, no matter how well they grasped the boundaries Demons faced, not one of them had been able to forgive him.
That was why he didn't want me to remember. He thought I'd be like them. I don't know if they'd made their decisions out of weakness, fear or what, but there wasn't a single level of my mind on which I could I comprehend any one past Caitlyn continuing to hold it against him.
I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Giving a determined sniffle, I wiped at my eyes one last time and blinked hard to clear them as I jumped topics. "We haven't discussed your payment."
He gave that casual shrug of his. "I knew we would come back to that at some point. Your were under duress, I felt it best not to give you more to think about at the time than you could handle."
"Thank you." Just as I said that, my cell chimed at me.
Rah-Veen quirked a brow at the sound, his eyes roving over me in attempt to locate where it was originating from. "Should you not answer that?" He asked, once- I assume from his light bulb just went on expression- he'd matched the sound with the modern device it belonged to.
I frowned at him, but dug the phone out of my pocket anyway. Rochelle . . . calling at an inopportune moment . . . big shock, that. "Yes, my heart?" I said with false cheerfulness, puzzling over the fact that the phone hadn't been more damaged when I'd been getting tossed around by grumpy Demons.
"Ooh," she replied, picking up on how very not genuine I sounded, "I actually am interrupting something this time, huh?"
I glanced over at Rah-Veen, whom I knew could hear everything on her end of the line, to see a look of marked curiosity in his eyes. "No, not at all, we're just talking." I covered the receiver with my fingers and said to him in a barely audible whisper, "My friends think Kai-Yun is my um . . . are you familiar with the term boyfriend?"
He nodded at me, and I- having assuaged his curiosity, I guessed- turned my attention back to what Rochelle was saying, letting my eyes wander the room.
"So I just wanted to check something with you real quick. I was going through my collection and I found some extra copies of stuff, you want me to bring 'em to school on Monday, or I can drop by your house sometime tomorrow? I'm going to eBay the leftovers, but I don't want to be getting rid of ones you might want."
With how long the night had seemed so far, it took me a moment to catch up to the fact that she was talking about manga. "Uh, yeah, okay . . . tomorrow, we'll order Chinese food for lunch or something."
"Cool . . ." I expected her to say bye, see ya tomorrow- that sort of stuff- and hang up . . . but she paused and I mentally kicked myself for thinking it would be that easy. "What's wrong? He's not in the middle of dumping you or something is he? I swear I will kick his rock star lookin' ass!"
I laughed a little, and even though she'd just given me an easy out, Kai-Yun's continued presence in my life would put an immediate big fat fib stamp on the whole break-up scenario. "No, we . . . had a little trouble at the park and we're just discussing what to do about it." Holy crap- that was actually sort of the truth.
There was another pause on her end and, knowing Rochelle like I did, this meant she was cataloging in her head all the things that the word trouble could translate into. "What sorta trouble are we talking about here, Bri?"
I chewed my lip for a second before responding. "Just this . . . group of guys tried to mug us." Okay, she didn't need to know that it was me that they were trying to steal and not our wallets.
"O M G!" She shrieked, sounding like some exclamation point abusing twelve year old. "Please tell me you're both okay!"
"Yeah, yeah, of course," I was saying, nodding to myself. "There was like three of them. Kai totally handed the biggest one his ass and so the other two just sorta scampered off. I mean, we got a pretty good look at them, but nothing really happened so . . . we're trying to decide whether or not to go to the cops." Sometimes I absolutely astound myself . . . that, and I was pretty sure that if Hell existed for Touched beings, then I was earning myself a first class ticket. Eh, at least I could say the ride hadn't been dull for a moment.
"Well, if my opinion counts for anything, I'd say leave the cops out of it. It's just gonna get you guys more trouble. You'd have to go down there, file some sort of incident report or whatever, which would probably include a 'filling out forms in triplicate' mess. Then, even if they do catch these guys, it's their word against your that it wasn't just a misunderstanding. If one of them even has a smidgen of brain power, they'll turn it around and claim that Kai assaulted them unprovoked."
I pursed my lips and angled my eyes toward the phone as much as I could without pulling it away from my ear. "You dealt with this sort of thing before?"
"Nope, but I do watch a lot of CSI and am perfectly aware how fucked up people can be."
"Ah, well, I think you're right, we'll just let it be. Night 'Chelle."
"Night, hun. I'm glad you're both okay. See ya tomorrow."
I closed the phone and slid it quietly onto my nightstand. I pursed my lips again as I thought over the fact that my discussion with Rochelle had been the most mundane thing to happen to me all evening. All month actually, if you put it into perspective.
When I turned back to look at Rah-Veen, he was- again- quirking an eyebrow at me. "What is your connection to this one with whom you were speaking?"
"Rochelle? She's my best friend."
He finally slid his hand from mine- which was when I'd noticed he'd still been holding it, yeah I was really on the ball tonight- and sort of aimlessly waved a finger. "No, there is something beyond that. I feel some . . . underlying concern from you."
I chewed on the inside of my lip for a long moment before letting out an exasperated breath. "Okay, well . . . Rochelle was born with a third eye, but she hasn't awakened yet. I'm just worried about her. Kai-Yun told me about what happens if someone's awakening is 'deemed as not beneficial' so . . . yeah. I mean, I can't pick things up from her- or my other friend who is in the same predicament as Rochelle- as easily as I can from straight-up mystical beings like Demons. I can't tell what sect they'll be . . . when they'll awaken." I finished with a helpless shrug, "I can't tell anything and it just makes me scared for them. Especially now that . . ." my words slid off as I slapped a hand over my mouth and turned wide eyes on the Demon Lord. "I totally forgot to tell you what the Alterros Libertasahria was planning to do!"
His brow furrowed as he gave a minute shake of his head. "And there is some reason for which you cannot correct this mistake currently?"
Translation: So tell me now. "They said they wanted to 'hone' my sight. To use my sensitivity to locate other Touched humans before they awaken to add them to their ranks. I guess since they're can't use me, they'll be targeting other Sensitives now. They're the ones who orchestrated my awakening. If I can't tell anything about Rochelle or Alan, I can't know that one of them isn't a Sensitive- how can I protect them from these people going after them if they are and I don't know anything!"
I only realized I'd begun to shout when Rah-Veen lightly pressed a silencing finger to my lips. "Calm yourself, Accersoro. There is a way. You have items given to you from these friends of yours, yes?"
He slid his finger away from my mouth as I nodded.
"Very well then." He took a deep breath, looking thoughtful as he continued, "If this is the plan of Yoru-Ssori's people, than it is quite a serious matter, indeed. The balance kept between the physical plane and the realm of the mystical is at stake. I have some knowledge of scrying, bring me these items and I shall attempt to discern more about your friends' futures."
Nodding, I was up and bolting out of the room, down the hall and into the living room in a second. When I returned, I held one of the books Alan had given me some years back and a manga I'd forgotten to return to Rochelle. Yeah, yeah . . . the one with the Alan Petri look alike in it, if you must know. Rah-Veen was standing now, keeping a watchful eye on Kai-Yun as I handed him the books.
"Damn," I said suddenly as I remembered what we'd been talking about before Rochelle called. "We still haven't decided on my end of our contract. And I'm still not totally clear on what warrants a contract- do we need one for you doing this scrying-thing?"
"Hmm?" Rah-Veen breathed the sound as he looked up from the books in his hands. "No, given the information you have told me, it is in the best interest of the Curia to work the scrying. So I suppose one could see this as 'free'. As for our contract . . ." he looked like he would scratch his head if he hands were free, well, and if he were human. "I cannot think of anything I require at this time. Therefore, it is a price that shall be named at a later time. When I have decided something, I shall call upon you."
He mumbled something under his breath and then came that light whirling of air that I now knew meant a portal was opening. Rah-Veen was about to step through, but I stopped him with a hand on his arm as my eyes fell on Kai-Yun.
"You are still troubled?" Guess that was his Captain Obvious moment.
"Well . . . I need to ask," I closed my eyes and bit my lip hard before saying, "why are Caitlyn's memories so strong? Is it something about Sorcerers, because she was my first incarnation, what?"
He turned fully toward me, shuffling both books into one hand to gently cup my cheek with the other. "It is because with every existence that her memories have surfaced, they have been impacted and given strength by the constant refusal of forgiveness. Therefore, it is not only Caitlyn's impression that you feel, but that which has been added to it by lifetimes of hurt and remorse."
I blinked as the Demon Lord leaned down and brushed his lips over my third eye. "I trust you know what to do." And then he was gone.
For a long, long time, I just stood there. Everything that had happened that night ran through my head again. I examined every minute detail, rehashed every word that was said.
When there was nothing left to process for the umpteenth time, I turned and looked at Kai-Yun. I slowly walked back to the bed and sat down wondering at just what else his Summoners before me had asked of him. How many times he'd been given orders he would have turned his back on, had he been able.
Now that I fully grasped the extent of a Summoner's control over their Demon, I felt sort of . . . hollow, and small. I could already tell that in some of my previous lives I probably hadn't been the nicest person. Hell, I wasn't even that nice of a person, now. Can't even begin to tell you how many times I'd questioned why people even put up with me. Why those that cared about me even bothered. This wasn't just me getting all emo, either, I was just fully aware of how much of a pain in the ass I can be.
I sat down, letting my weight sink into the mattress slowly. And then there was Kai-Yun . . . who seemed to put so much concern into what I thought, how I felt- and not just because I was his Summoner, or even because he'd committed that terrible act so, so long ago. But because for whatever reason . . . he saw something in me that he cherished.
I lay on my side, curling up next to him and resting my head in the hollow of his shoulder. He stirred just a bit, but remained slumbering and I hoped he could sense that I was close.
The anxiety and excitement of the evening at last draining completely out of me, I felt exhaustion beginning to seep in. Raising my head for a moment, I nuzzled his jaw with my cheek, kissing the side of his throat before I whispered in his ear, "I forgive you, Kai-Yun."
I rested my head again, and it may have been my imagination, but as I finally drifted off, I thought I felt his arms curling around me.